We know, we all know. We’re not supposed to evaluate ourselves to others. We ought to be pleased about what we now have. We ought to rejoice our personal successes.
But…. we additionally know that’s simpler mentioned than finished.
As girls within the office, there’s no query that comes up greater than “am I enough?” And comparability is the final word expression of this query. Unfortunately, whether or not we’re flying excessive after touchdown a promotion, or secretly rolling our eyes over our colleague’s recognition for a mission (I imply, they barely did any of the work…), comparability is a pressure that may take maintain in any scenario, even after we least anticipate it. As social creatures, we’ve advanced to assess how we measure up; and as extremely motivated profession girls, this radar can go into hyperdrive after we’re chasing a purpose. Or aren’t certain a few purpose. Or really feel like we’d like a purpose. Or suppose we would like one thing however aren’t sure that is the factor.
In my work mentoring and training girls on how to construct impactful careers, and in my infinite journey to overcome my very own comparability tendencies, I got here throughout a little bit secret that may assist us free ourselves from the comparability grasp: Reframing FOMO. When we reframe our relationship with FOMO and begin to hear to what it is telling us, we are able to lastly use it to our advantage.
Here’s how we do it.
Tune into what it is you truly need
FOMO isn’t simply one thing social media has programmed us to have that we must always keep away from in any respect prices. It can truly be a sign of an unexplored purpose that we now have for ourselves. But we don’t know if it is or not till we dig a little bit deeper. The subsequent time you’re scrolling and are available throughout a submit, or get that e mail from a colleague about their new thrilling position, or no matter occurs that sends you that “why not me?” punch within the intestine, as your self two questions:
- Do I actually need this?
- If not, what’s it I truly need?
Oftentimes, we see one thing somebody has that we’re missing and reflexively need it. I imply, it could be sort of cool to have that factor, proper? The humorous factor is after we ask ourselves this query, the reply is often “not really.” It took me a decade to admit to myself Coachella wasn’t actually my vibe, and that was okay.
This is the place the second query comes into play – as a result of if we’re feeling FOMO over one thing and don’t even need that factor, we now have to work out what it is we truly need. Coachella sparked a sense of freedom, enjoyable, pleasure. Recognizing this, I might discover an infinite variety of issues that might obtain these sentiments with out having to spring for the music competition. Asking these questions reminds us there are lots of methods to get the issues we would like, we don’t depend on just one final result.
Ok, however what if I did need that?
Then there are the instances that our FOMO indicators one thing that we very a lot do need. Maybe your colleague shifting overseas reminded you of a dream you’ve all the time had to dwell abroad, possibly your good friend turning into a supervisor reiterated your want to do the identical.
If our FOMO is shouting from the rooftops for us to listen to one thing we wished and haven’t pursued but, hear.
I spent a few years toying with the thought of turning into an govt coach, by no means taking the plunge to pursue it. One day, a colleague despatched an e mail saying she was beginning a training certification and was searching for purchasers, and it was like a punch within the abdomen. I believed to myself “why aren’t I doing that?” “why can’t I follow my dreams?” “Why? Why? Why?”
But recognizing this was a dream of mine, and never simply one thing that sounded cool for another person, I might actually hear to what this punch within the intestine was telling me. This feeling of FOMO signaled to me straight away how vital this purpose had been, and was the precise factor I wanted to lastly kick a plan into motion.
Recognize when there’s one thing else you want
Then there’s the FOMO that’s not a few factor, however is a few feeling. I’ve been on groups (various instances) the place the supervisor adopted a “positive feedback is implicit” method– which means, suggestions was solely shared when it was one thing adverse, and also you had been supposed to consider all the things was going flawlessly when you heard nothing.
For these affirmation seekers on the market like myself, this didn’t work for me. And after I would hear tales from buddies or colleagues whose supervisor was extra forthcoming with reward or appreciation, it despatched me proper into the loving arms of FOMO.
Again, reframing FOMO from one thing I disregarded to one thing I listened to, I spotted that what I actually wanted from a supervisor was extra direct suggestions or perception when issues had been going nicely. Recognizing this, I might have a dialog with my supervisor about suggestions, ask a future supervisor about their suggestions model in an interview dialog, even discover contentment in understanding this about myself and let go of the false hope that I used to be going to get this from my present supervisor who wasn’t going to provide it. Any of those routes allowed me to be within the driver’s seat, being clear about what I wanted so as to really feel fulfilled in a job.
This all comes down to tuning into the reflexive intuition to evaluate and hear to what it is likely to be attempting to inform us. This could be arduous when the voice is admittedly loud, absorbing all the things different folks have as proof of why we aren’t sufficient. But after we do it, we study we now have a lot extra energy in a scenario to select what we would like, and confidence in understanding we’re pursuing probably the most significant objectives.
This visitor submit was authored by Lia Garvin
For over a decade, Lia Garvin has explored the facility of reframing to overcome frequent challenges discovered within the fashionable office as an creator, operations chief, and sought-after speaker. She has labored with among the most influential firms in tech together with Microsoft, Apple and Google, and has made it her mission to humanize the office, one dialog at a time.
Through her writing, management teaching and savvy program administration expertise, Garvin brings her groups an unmatched experience and an irreverent humorousness to assist them study challenges holding them again whereas specializing in what issues. She launched the world’s first holographic laptop, and has led initiatives round crew inclusion and organizational effectiveness. Recognized by the National Diversity Council as a 2021 DEI Champion, Garvin has spearheaded range and inclusion applications and has coached workers on how to drive impactful work and thrive whereas working in tech.
She holds a Bachelor of Arts from UCLA in Sociology and a Master of Arts in Media Studies from the New College of California. Garvin is a Co-Active and ICF licensed skilled coach and a certification in Hatha yoga.
Her new e-book, Unstuck: Reframe Your Thinking to Free Yourself From the Patterns and People That Hold You Back is now out there on Amazon.
